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I was skimming through High Winds when I came across an article winningly headlined ‘Handling Suppression on the Fourth Dynamic’ (by then I had learnt that the ‘fourth dynamic’ meant the whole of mankind). In a tone of unforgiving militancy, it talked of ‘eradicating SPs’, and crowed about how they had ’shut down’ one particular defector who had criticised the movement. ‘Unemployed and abandoned by his family, this squirrel had schemed to make money by hawking his lies in a book. But the Office of Special Affairs had a court declare his book libellous. He has now been forced into bankruptcy…’

Protesters have rallied outside the Church of Scientology in Plymouth city centre to campaign against the cult’s presence in the city.

A dozen protesters, with masked faces, gathered outside the church in Ebrington Street on Sunday.

Scientology, practised by celebrities including Tom Cruise, has been the subject of much criticism in the UK over the past few years.

Now a protest group, called Anonymous, is campaigning against its presence in the city.

Speaking outside the church, one protester said: “We are not here to protest against anyone’s beliefs, just the practices of Scientology. We believe they work like a cult, preying on the weak and separating people from their families.”

Dressed in black, sporting masks and handing out leaflets on a sunny Sunday morning, more than 30 people stand on an Edinburgh pavement protesting against the Church of Scientology in Scotland.
John is among them, a 29-year-old from Edinburgh who lifts up his grinning Guy Fawkes mask so he can explain why he’s standing with complete strangers on the city’s South Bridge with a flyer urging Scots not to “let a UFO cult take us back to the Middle Ages”.

Last year the Cheers foil donated $5m to the Church of Scientology. That’s more than big tippers Priscilla Presley ($50,000), or John Travolta ($1m), and nudges her ahead of Scientology’s poster boy, Tom Cruise, who donated the same amount over four years.

But all of them have been dwarfed by a contribution from a celebrity more famous and loved than any of them: Bart Simpson.

It’s upsetting enough that the Fresh Prince has been reportedly handing out Scientology personality tests to his film crew, but it has emerged that the voice of Bart Simpson, Nancy Cartwright, once the idiot savant voice of reason in a world gone screamingly wacko, donated $10m to the Church in 2007.

Protesters are vowing to picket buildings in London, Birmingham, Manchester, Edinburgh and York on the British leg of the day of direct action, three weeks after a group of internet activists called Anonymous vowed to destroy the movement.

They said they were opposed to Scientologists’ “speech-suppression tactics”, which they claim include “frivolous” lawsuits and the use of copyright and trademark laws to silence free speech.